How To Get What You Want

How To Get What You Want

Have you ever asked yourself, How do I get what I want? Most of us have, but it can often be a tough question to answer. In today's episode, I'm going to share some things I've been working on inspired by David Bayer at A Changed Mind. At the end, you'll have a simple framework to answer this question for yourself.

Hi, I am Tim Fitzpatrick with Rialto Marketing, where we believe marketing shouldn't be difficult, and it definitely shouldn't be guesswork. Thank you so much for taking the time to tune in.

If you have not heard of David Bayer at A Changed Mind, that's B-A-Y-E-R, at A Changed Mind, go check him out. I recently got exposed to some of his stuff. I just love how he thinks from a mindset perspective. Very simple frameworks and methodologies, very similar to how we think about marketing with simple frameworks, methodologies, the fundamentals. What he teaches really resonates with me, so I wanted to share it with you. Hopefully you find it helpful. If you want to dig deeper, go check him out because he is the expert, not me.

But what he talks about, and what I'm going to share a little bit with you today, is this very simple framework of how to get what you want. It is desire plus nonresistance equals a desired result. When you have a deep desire and you practice nonresistance, so you don't push it away, that will get you to your desired result.

A Very Simple Framework of How to Get What You Want

So let me break this down a little bit. The desire is getting really clear on what we actually want. Have you ever worked hard on something, gotten to the end, and then you're like, Gosh, this isn't as great as I thought it was going to be, or this isn't what I actually wanted. Because we weren't clear on what we wanted. We have to be clear on what matters most. Clarity matters more than effort. That desire, what we want is the direction that we want to go to. It's not pressure. It's like setting a destination into our GPS. We know exactly where we want to go. Many business owners think that they know what they want, but stay vague on purpose. Vague goals may feel safer than really specific ones. We need to get detailed. Clarity. What do you really want right now and why does it matter? You need to have that level of clarity. Growth without clarity is just it's creating busy work, stress, second guessing, and it can get you to this destination that you reach in your like, This isn't what I wanted. So the clearer we can be about what we want, the higher likelihood that we're actually going to get to that, get to the right destination. The clearer that desire is, the less force that's required to move toward it.

Now, the next thing David talks about is resistance. We've got to have non-resistance. Because when we have resistance, it's this invisible break that most of us ignore, which is often why if we have a desire, but we're not getting to the end result, what David Bayer talks about is oftentimes there's resistance there. It's like we've got our foot on the gas and the break at the same time. Just not going to work very well. Resistance is where progress is actually getting blocked. So it's like, okay, what is resistance? Resistance is doubt, it's fear, it's limiting beliefs. It's self-sabotage. It's overthinking. Okay? Resistence can often hide behind logic. Well, I'm just being realistic. But what that really can mean sometimes is, well, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of actually putting out what I really want. An example might be, Hey, I want growth, but I believe money is hard to make. I have this desire for growth, but then I have this resistance that I believe money is hard to make, or I want freedom, but I believe that I have to do everything myself. The desire is there, but there's resistance. So I've got my foot on the gas on the break at the same time, which is not going to work well. So a lot of times we don't need more effort. We just need less internal friction.

Okay, which gets us to this concept of non-resistance, right? Talked about the desire. We have to have the desire. We need to eliminate resistance, which means the opposite, we need to have non-resistance, which is where we're allowing things instead of forcing. So what's happening with nonresistance is we're starting to look at what actually changes when we stop fighting ourselves, when we stop getting in our own Nonresistance is not being passive. We're still taking action. We're just not taking action from a place of fear or a place of having limiting results. It means we're releasing. It has to happen this exact way type thinking. It's about certainty versus pressure. Pressure creates tight decisions. Certainty creates cleaner decisions. So when we're acting from a place of certainty and we're releasing these fears, doubts, limiting beliefs that we might have. So we're letting go of resistance gives us more control, not less. So the key takeaway with nonresistance is that our progress accelerates when we stop arguing with reality and ourselves.

 Desire Plus Nonresistance Equals The Desired Result

So I hope this is making sense. This whole framework of desire plus nonresistance equals the desired result really resonate with me because it really is pretty simple. We just need to break it down and understand each of the elements themselves. So are there tools to help us release that resistance in real-time? Yes, there are, right? Yeah. So one of the things that we can think about is this resistance is not reality. My limiting belief is not reality. So You can ask yourself, is this absolutely true? I have this limiting belief or I'm fearful of this, but is this absolutely true? What else could this mean? That can help you push through the resistance. We can shift into our body with breathing, movement, walking, any type of physical release can help us get to a place of non-resistance. We can look at and choose the next best step. When we're running into resistance, what is the next measurable thing I can do that's going to help dissolve this friction? Taking action helps start to build momentum. So small actions can dissolve that friction. We can practice allowing by letting the feeling exist without trying to fix it. We can use empowering language. This is one I use, I get to instead of I have to. So it's not my weekend have to do's, it's my weekend get to do list. I get to do these things. I'm blessed that I get to do these things. Thinking, I haven't yet instead of I can't. Oh, well, I can't do that. No, reframe it into, I haven't yet, but I can. So resistance starts to fade faster when we stop wrestling with it. I want to try and start to bring this together a little bit, but again, remember, desire plus nonresistance equals the desired result. Desire plus nonresistance equals the desired result. We need to get clear on what we want, what we desire. We need to notice resistance when it shows up and apply tools until things start to feel lighter, until we're not resisting it and then take the next aligned step to getting to our desired result. This is a practice. It's not a breakthrough moment. This is something that we have to practice over and over again. It's about consistency. We all have limiting beliefs. Even David Bayer, who's teaching this stuff, has his own limiting beliefs, and he talks about them. We all have them, but we have to have the tools to work through them and push through them. And that's one of the great things about this formula, is it helps us do that. Resistance shows up at every level. And no matter what we're doing, and that's expected, but when we have the tools to work through that resistance and get to a place where we're not resisting it, that's going to help us get where we want to go. I know that on my professional journey, there are plenty of times where I've had my foot on the gas and the break at the same time. And that break was a limiting belief. And it's really hard to identify those limiting beliefs at times.

Conclusion

So I hope you found this helpful. If you want something, but you keep doubting it, questioning it, or bracing for failure, you're slowing it down. And I have been there. I have done on that. And I'm sure I'll do it again because that's part of this process. But I hope this has been helpful. If you want to dig deeper into this, like I said, go check out David Bayer at A Changed Mind. But hopefully this has helped at least get you thinking about some of the things that might be holding you back from getting the things that you really want out of life, out of your business. I thank you so much for tuning in. Again, I am Tim Fitzpatrick with Rialto Marketing. On the marketing side of things, gosh, if you're doing all the recommended marketing stuff, but you're still not seeing the results you need, you're stuck in the marketing needs. And if you wanted to get your roadmap out, head on over to marketingenginescorecard.com to find out exactly what's keeping your marketing engine from delivering consistent growth. It's less than two minutes, so go do it now. If you want to connect with us on our website, you can do that as well, rialtomarketing.com. rialtomarketing.com Until next time. Take care. Appreciate you.